Sexism | "I'm not like other girls."

You know that girl. The girl who insists that "she's not like others girls." 

Maybe she likes sports.

Maybe she doesn't wear make-up. 

Maybe she's only friends with guys, because "girls are too catty/bitchy/mean, amirite?"

But what I think it sometimes means is "I don't want men to treat me like I see them treat other women." Because sometimes, that's what it really is all about. 

Maybe without even realizing it, these women want to separate themselves from the stereotypes placed upon certain women. 

Let's face it, maybe girls have overheard the way men talk about specific types of women. These conversations are also replicated in film, television and video games. These types of women are the ones that men are encouraged not to understand, or relate to in anyway. 

Like the ladies who enjoy reading fashion magazines, as opposed to Jean-Paul Sartre. Or the ladies who like playing Animal Crossing on Facebook, as opposed to a lady who has invested 500 hours playing Red Orchestra on Steam. Or the ladies who enjoy casual, no-strings-attached sex, as opposed to the girl who is strictly monogamous.

Maybe, when a women says "she's not like other girls" she's actually trying to gain respect and be viewed as worthy of male companionship. 

So, whenever a guy says something like "I like you, you're not like most girls," 
consider that a red flag. 

It could mean that he's successfully compartmentalized half the population into one (often negative) and narrow-minded world view...aka, a sexist one. 
Where women with interests he doesn't understand are not good enough.

Now, if he finished the sentence with "you aren't like other girls that I have been with," then that's alright. Maybe you aren't like the previous girls he's been with (but if he goes on and adds that "all my exes were CRAZY" then we've looped right back to red flag territory, but I digress). 

I'm not attempting to speak for all women though. Or wholly blame men.
This is just my explanation of why some women insist they aren't like other women. 

I mean, there are a lot of women who put down other ladies simply because they're not "feminine enough". 
It goes away as we grow, but some women remain firmly attached to the whole feminine = woman thing.  
It's usually pushed by the girls who just want extra attention from guys, because of the reasons I've mentioned above.

It's ultimately the internalized misogyny that is mass produced on a day-to-day basis that I blame for our attitudes and beliefs about gender roles.

Relationships♥ | Long distance (possible NSFW)

Long distance relationships are tough, especially when it comes to sex. 
Sometimes, you want something a lil' more exhilarating than some dodgy sexting. 

Or Skype Boggle. Don't ask.

If you find that you're starting to feel rusty when it come to indulging in *ahem* a more sensual online past-time, then here are some things you can try out.

• Get a damn webcam

Try out long role-playing sessions, creative strip games or just have a good ol' spontaneous masturbation session. 

• Write erotica 

Detail it as much as possible. Put in stuff that the two of you want to try out, but don't quite have the guts to do just yet (sex in public, threesome, a new position, just to name a few). Detail the scene, the atmosphere, your partners mood and your mood, how you both look, how you react. Don't be shy.

A good tip for the dominant/submissive types out there are mandatory instructions that he/she must follow before reading. 

• Consider an open-relationship

1. How secure are you within your relationship? 
2. Can you handle the thought of your boyfriend or girlfriend getting intimate with someone else? 
3. Are you open and honest and great at communicating with your partner? 

If you can tick off all three of the above, then super-duper! 

Open relationships can bring people closer together, because they quickly hash out all the feelings of jealousy that most people experience in a relationship.

But if you're going to stay up all night and worry constantly if she/he's sleeping with someone else tonight, well, enough said...

DO NOT PURSUE AN OPEN RELATIONSHIP IF ONE OF YOU REFUSES TO GO THROUGH WITH IT.
ONLY DO THIS IF YOU ARE BOTH IN FULL AGREEMENT. 

• Utilize futuristic technology!

There are app controlled, long distance, interactive sex toy available. 
There's a whole wikipedia article on teledildonics. Yes, that is a word.

But seriously, think of all the possibilities.

Biphobia | Why do Gays and Lesbians (and nearly everybody else) hate Bisexuals?

Okay, hate may be a strong word...

But my interest in the LGBTQ+ community has revealed some pretty harmful stereotypes that continue to perpetrate the gay and lesbian population, specifically when it comes to bisexual people.

I'll dive right in.

Firstly, there's this idea that bisexual people are after one thing and one thing only. Sex. Just sex.
Not companionship, nor a fulfilling adult relationship with another human being, regardless of their gender.

No sir. Bisexual people only ever want the D and the V, apparently.
Devoid of human emotion, bisexual people are controlled by their libidos and the poor partner of a bisexual person is supposedly condemned to live a life of unease, constantly questioning his/her partners motives.

"Will he leave me for a guy? Will he cheat on me with a man?" 

"Will she leave me for a girl? Will she cheat on me with a woman?"

Of course, these questions are founded upon one, pervasive idea.
That bisexual people are inherently more promiscuous by nature than wholly straight or homosexual people.

But why is this?

Predominantly binary views about sexuality are due to our hetero-normative culture.
This culture continues to posit the theory (normally via social media and TV soaps) that only homosexuals and heterosexuals exist.
There is no in-between.
This means that a lot of people think that bisexuality is "just a phase" or a way for people to indulge and experiment sexually with multiple people.

One example of this disbelief in bisexuality is the fandom of Adventure Time. 

Google images: Marceline and Bubblegum are alluded to having a thing goin' on.

The relationship depicted between Marceline and Princess Bubblegum in the comic Adventure Time: Marceline and the Scream Queens, alludes that the two have a more intimate connection with each other. This is especially evident when Marceline reveals her jealousy towards Bubblegum's attraction to a male character, Guy.
But many fans have brushed aside the idea of a potential bisexual coupling, stating that Bubblegum's attraction to Guy couldn't possibly mean she could also be attracted to Marceline.

These common assumptions about binary sexuality makes it seem like bisexuals just can't make up their minds. Or they are somehow confused about who they want to have sex with.
Or worse. They just get dismissed as cheats and frauds.

Refusing to accept bisexuality as a legitimate sexuality is therefore socially damaging,
because it trivializes this form of sexual expression to the point where (sadly) some people just refuse to believe bisexual people exist.

Which completely sucks. So I'll try and clear some things up.

• Just because a person has verbally admitted to finding both men and women sexually attractive, it doesn't mean that they will attempt to pursue any man or woman they see. 
• Bisexuality is NOT a synonym for polygamy. 
• Bisexuals form sexual bonds, just like any person does. 
• Bisexual people can commit and settle down with one person. 
•  Bisexual people also like to sleep around and have fun, exactly like some straight, lesbian and gay people do. 
• A bisexual person is no more likely to be a hyper-sexual horn-dog than anybody else.

So just give them a break already!
Everybody who considers themselves an LGBTQ+ member should refuse to accept such crazy stereotyping. We should all be supporting each other in a way that includes everybody.
To all our bisexual brothers and sisters, peace!

Video Games | Until Dawn: Butterfly Effect and Tropes.

**SPOILERS**

Google images: The main man, Mike. *fangirl intensifies* Okay, down to business...

Last month, the Sony exclusive Until Dawn was released for PS4. 
Developed by the aptly named Supermassive Games, Until Dawn has already generated a huge fan base of obsessed youngsters, who are pining for the next Pewdiepie play-through on YouTube as we speak. 

So what is all the fuss about exactly?

Well firstly, as an interactive cinematic survival game, the fate of the cast is left up to the player, implementing a system called the Butterfly Effect. 
Nothing really new there. 
In the same vein as Telltales immensely popular Walking Dead series, the choices that you make in-game have an effect upon the rest of the narrative. 

This interest in making difficult ethical decisions in-game has definitely increased over the last few years. Think of developer Quantic Dream's erratic drama Beyond: Two Souls, or Heavy Rain, or Telltales other famous series, 
The Wolf Among Us. 

Only in Until Dawn, the choices you make really do seem to have a clear effect upon the story. 
The developer has stated that there are literally hundreds of different endings, depending on the blend of characters you manage to keep alive by the end of the game. 
Whereas in the Walking Dead (although it was a fantastic piece of storytelling) the supposed choices you made simply didn't seem to matter, well, at all. 
In the end, the player is always going down a very similar path as any other player and the fates of most characters are etched in stone.

Which is what I like about Until Dawn. 
The choices you make have significant consequences and anyone can fall afoul of the things that go bump in the night, if you make the right (or wrong) move. 
There are also numerous "Clues" and "Totems" scattered throughout the chapters that reveal details of the story to the player, thus adding a layer of depth to the story that would otherwise be absent. 

I suppose that means Until Dawn possesses replay value. 
But I'll hazard a guess and say that lot of people will probably opt to view an online walkthrough, instead of playing it all again.


In terms of the narrative, I personally liked the genre shift. From a typical 80's or 90's Slasher flick, to a creepy supernatural survival horror, this is something that doesn't really happen often in horror games, so it was interesting to see. However, the change in plot direction could have been pulled off much more masterfully. I certainly won't be the last to say that it felt like I was playing through two completely different games. (The character Dr Hill becomes particularly redundant as you reach the later chapters.)

Speaking of which, the characters are all the typical archetypes from bygone teen horror films. 
The Jock, the Survivor Girl, the Bitch, the Blonde Bimbo, the Geek etc. 
You know the drill. 
Fans of Until Dawn have declared that the developer has produced a homage, which is why the stereotypes are present. 
Although this may be the case, I did find the representation of women quite disconcerting, especially in a game where narrative is constantly morphing. 
Sam is obviously set up as the lone female protagonist. 
She is level-headed, resourceful and athletic to boot.
While Chris, Matt and Mike each have interesting quirks or strong, redemptive personality traits (even Josh has a characteristically crooked smile) with the exception of Sam, the other three girls don't possess equally admirable or distinct qualities. 
Jessica quickly fades away and is reduced to the "hot" girl that needs saving. 
Emily is the "alpha bitch". She is incessantly arrogant and rude to nearly everyone. 
Despite Ashley showing occasional signs of character development, she more often than not collapses into a crying, blubbering mess and her connection to Chris is the strongest connection she has to the story-line. 

The distribution of likable traits was uneven and made Ashley, Jess and Emily seem utterly expendable.

Albeit the dialogue for both male and female characters is pretty cliche-ridden and despite the incredible motion capture, the expressions of the characters do appear awkward during certain scenes, such as when somebody grimaces (they look like they are smiling rather cheerfully.)



All in all, I'll give Until Dawn a rating of: 

6.5 out of 10.

A poem for you!

We never quit pouring sentimental dreams

into robotized hearts

that cease to bleed.

Millions depart this interior cold

and look out to our world

of formless souls.

Struck dumb by countless fairy tales

that convince us that

we will not fail

But all the while

we know the truth

that bad things can happen

to those who are good.

So as we sit down

to watch the six 'o' clock news

and critique foreign wars and the starving children of two

be wise, and recall lives are governed by laws

that do not exist

At all.

What is the thing you judge people for? My 10 reasons I judge people.

Okay, okay, I do not condone being a judgmental idiot 24/7. 

But sometimes, you'll find yourself throwing shade every now and then...

So here are the reasons why I judge people!


1.) How they treat people who work in retail or as servers. I'd also extend this to anyone that works in any service industry. Dry cleaning clerks, hotel staff or front-desk personnel, airline attendants, and so on. I immediately judge anyone who treats them badly or just takes them completely for granted. They're people too goddamnit!

2.) I also immediately judge people who work in service or retail who appear to have awful interpersonal skills.

3.) People who humiliate their partners in public, or complain about them on Facebook. Anytime I see someone ranting on social media about their boyfriend or their girlfriend, I know that relationship is doomed, and probably soon.

4.) "Oh, you're an astronomer? I'm a Virgo! What does that mean for my future?"


5.) Gossiping. If a person starts gossiping, I don't trust them. Simple.


6.) Parents who have children they chose to not look after. Your child is literally screaming in a library. Do somthing, maybe?!


7.) Persistent personal hygiene issues. Sorry, but take a shower. How hard can that be?


8.) People who don't read books and take pride in it. 


9.) People who chew with their mouth open. Sorry to the people out there with braces and retainers. It is what it is.

10.) Speaking humbly but clearly bragging. The "humblebrag." Never trust a braggart!

Pole-fitness | Growing in popularity, so why the continuing stigma?

As a member of the Teesside pole fitness group, I have noticed that the sport has a undeserved reputation.

Jess Clarke is a pole fitness instructor at Teesside University. She’s been swinging effortlessly off these metal beams for years and is nothing short of an athlete. The other instructors are just as talented. The Pole-fitness group itself has a dedicated following, being the second most popular sports club at Teesside, with many new people joining every session. I was one of those people. But initially, there were prejudices that the girls had to overcome and still face to this day. The seedy stigma associated with dancing around a pole has real, tangible effects for the girls. Jess tells me that quite recently, a DJ had to make a formal apology to the pole-fitness club, having announced gleefully to a packed SU dance floor that “the slag group have arrived.”  

The damage caused to their reputation lost the club many members. 

So, is there still a stigma surrounding pole-fitness? The answer is certainly yes.  A strong voice of dissent surprisingly comes from some feminist organisations that believe that pole-fitness is ultimately exploitative and takes advantage of women influenced by a patriarchal society. Of course, if you restrict your history of pole-dancing to around the 80's then one could say it is intrinsically linked with the sex industry. But pole-fitness is a much different activity from pole-dancing. The former strictly focuses on becoming fitter, healthier and-although you can certainly express your sexuality via pole-fitness-the activity itself does not have sexual overtones by default. The latter implies a more risque, titillating display associated with female objectification, patriarchal men's clubs and performative, sexualized dances. Jess makes very sure that we call it pole-fitness instead of pole-dancing, since nobody among us is performing for money or male gazes. We are taking part in it for ourselves. This is a particularly hard point to get across, as many people cannot shake the idea that a woman would want to perform a pole-fitness routine separate from male influence.

The girls mention that there are rumors that the participants within the club actually strip and do sexualized dance routines, similar to what you might see in a R-rated film. One girl that joined up was under the impression that the pole-fitness group specifically taught stereotypical “stripper” routines. 

These messages are usually spread via word of mouth, but even the university officials were reluctant to display the pole-fitness logo on the sports website. 

Jess also mentions that the push to get the club up and running was not taken seriously for many months, further compounding the idea that exercising on a vertical pole was somehow detrimental to the overall reputation and well-being of the university and it's students. 

There is also a assumption that practitioners must be stick thin and possess years of experience in order to take part in the pole-fitness activities. Experience does help, but people can often execute quite challenging moves within a month or two of practice. And no, you do not need to be super slim to take part. 

Many people that go to pole-fitness are actually surprised by the normality and inclusiveness of it all. It’s just like any other sports club that focuses on strength and physical discipline. People wear what they want to wear and the atmosphere is relaxed, organised and supportive.

The club itself was set up by Stacy Warcup, a student at Teesside. After taking an interest in the activity, she started taking pole fitness lessons during the summer holidays. Once she was qualified, she started a pole-fitness club of her own. The online pole community helped her immensely and encouraged her to challenge Teesside University by setting up the Teesside pole-fitness club. Although it was a struggle, Stacy finally managed to legitimize her idea. 

During my time at the pole club, I've also noticed that more men are starting to attend. I remember my (pleasant) surprise at seeing the male participants when I went to my first class. There are certainly changes happening, especially in the minds of men when it comes to swinging around a pole. Unfortunately, it still seems to be that men in particular hold some of the more ignorant views about pole-fitness, often associating it with sex, drug addiction and prostitution. When I asked several of my male friends about the sport, most were reduced to snickers and contemptuous snorts."I bet the girls are slaggy." One of them says with conviction. When I pressed the issue and asked why that would be the case, he refused to answer me. Another friend did show an interest in pole-fitness, but stated that he would not want the girls to feel uncomfortable if he, as a male, were to show up at a pole club. I realized soon after the interview that there is a continuing need for men to be educated about pole-fitness and it's benefits. Fortunately, men are getting more involved in the pole fitness scene, participating in both competitions and society run challenges. BBC ITV has attempted to stamp out the stereotypes associated with pole-fitness in the past and went on to highlight the benefits of pole-fitness on national television. Rugby players from Crawly were set a challenge to learn a few moves and found pole-fitness to be a highly strenuous activity . 

There are many studios across the country that accept all genders, sexes and even ages, with some pole-fitness clubs willing to teach children between the ages of twelve and sixteen. Building physical strength, increases flexibility, toning the body and increasing self confidence all combine into an activity which is very enjoyable! Providing that their are no real, tangible limitations on who can take part, it stands to reason that it is only societal expectation that continues to hold us back. 

Long time coming....

I'm back! Wow. It certainly has been a while. Neglecting the blog left me feeling pretty guilty so I'll be giving a brief update on my life.

To start, job-hunting has taken up my time. Like, a lot of it. Good news is, I got a job a a bakery. Bad news is, I was laid off exactly a month later. Why, I hear you ask? "Due to my lack of smiling." According to my boss. Despite the fact I pride myself on being the politest possible person to strangers. I was insulted to say the least. And upset I'll admit, since the call was out of the blue.
Bosses should at least be honest when they get rid of a person and not just use some excuse.
Now all I've got is a rubbish reference and more months of job searching ahead of me.
Right now I scratching out a meager living by delivering catalogs and collecting the orders people write down in them. Oh well, back to the old grind.

Other than that? Nothing much has happened. I have been on holiday to sunny Somerset this July. Lovely place? Absolutely. Welcoming people? You bet. Just a shame my well-meaning mother feels the need to drag my *ahem* slightly confused granddad along with us. He would much rather be at home watching ol' cowboy films. Sitting in a car for hours isn't very good on him anymore.

However, the holiday was a blast! Cabin, hot tub (bliss), cider and fishing by a picturesque lake (shame I didn't catch anything substantial.) Bristol Zoo was lovely and visiting Glastonbury was certainly an experience (a crazy-hippy-folk-doing-yoga-in-the-street experience).

Plus my boyfriend passed his driving test first time around, because he's a legend, obviously! Couldn't be more proud of him at the moment. Hopefully things will continue getting even better once uni starts in September! Also can't wait to get started with this Beanstalk Helper Reader Volunteer work. 

Personal/Serious | Girls should not swear? Hell no!

>>NSFW, super scary female profanity below!<<

You know what really bugs me? When someone strolls up to you and states that 'it's unladylike to swear.' 

Well fuck me, is that the fucking case? 

I was once called out on my sailor mouth by a stranger. The pavements were slick due to rain or whatever and I slipped and nearly fell over. Naturally and without much thought I said 'Whoa, shit!'

This random dude dropped that line on me. 'It's unattractive to swear.'

You know what? These kind of situations make me wonder what he'd say if I was a male. Nothing probably. The worst is being chided by people for saying 'hell.'

Can I say heck then? What about gosh darn it? Golly? Gee whizz? Swell?

The truth is, girls shouldn't put up with this crap. 
I mean, I don't usually swear that often, though it's not because I'm against it.

It's fine for people to not want someone who swears a lot, but it's also fine for me to want somebody that I don't have to censor myself around.
In a social situation I really do not care if someone is swearing. 
Most normal people don't care and it's fine. 
It's not like I'm going to get cancer of the ear-hole due to hearing a few 'fucks' getting thrown around.

In a formal/working/business situation it might matter, sure, I relent to that prospect. Certain situations call for more discreet language to be used, I get that. 
But that doesn't mean that it's a-okay for someone else to tell me that I shouldn't swear in a situation where they 

A.) aren't my boss or
B.) aren't the parents of small children that I'm directly interacting with.

There's a big difference between, 'I don't like it when you swear,' and, 'You shouldn't swear, ever.' 

The aforementioned reasoning that I shouldn't swear because it is 'unattractive' is also pretty presumptuous. I'm not walking down the streets on a raining day thinking about how attractive/unattractive I am to strangers. 

Hell, I have a boyfriend, so I don't care what you think!
Not that having a boyfriend/girlfriend matters. Lots of people don't give a damn what strangers think about anyway. When I was single I didn't care much about it., like, at all.

By all means, those people can make judgments about girls who dare to swear, it's their god-given right. 

But please, if you fall into this category, keep your bloody opinions to yourself.

Music | My most-listened-to-songs as of right now

I thought I would indulge everyone by introducing you to some of the tracks I'm  listening to, usually when I'm busy with uni work, applying for volunteer work or when I'm having a jogging sesh on the running machine.... 

 Sia - Elastic Heart feat. Shia LaBeouf & Maddie Ziegler (Official Video) SiaVEVO

In spite of the strange music video starring actor Shia Labeouf and quirky interpretive child-dancer Maddie Ziegler, I really do love this song. 

I often find that I've listened to it on repeat for maybe, err, two hours? Much to the annoyance of anyone within my vicinity...

The powerful vocals often soar to dizzying heights and overall I think it a great modern power ballad that oozes gusto and bounce! 

Black Is The Color Of My True Love's Hair Avi Kaplan & Peter Hollens AviKaplan

You may recognize Avi Kaplin as the basso profondo singer from the prolific group Pentatonix. Well, in this rendition of an old folk song, you'll be happy to know that his voice reaches an all time low... in a good way! The low bass vocals gave me chills 

I am a huge fan of folks song being revised and adapted using technology and new vocal techniques, and this one gets a thumbs up from me. 

         Jess Glynne - Hold My Hand [Official Video]

I really loved Clean Bandit's catchy tune "Rather be" (in which Jess Glynne was a featured artist.) Now, the young brit has reached number one with the her first solo hit!

The redheaded siren's soulful, honest voice is the perfect polish for this pop number! Here's hoping we here much more from this lass in the future!