Relationships♥ | Long-distance relationships

Long distance relationships have had a bad reputation, lets face it. Lonely nights, creeping doubts and jealousy can certainly poison a previously flourishing close-distance relationship.  

But long distance relationships are happening more and more, due to differing career lifestyles or difficult living situations. The age of the internet has brought about an era of online dating, sexting and raunchy Skype escapades that make even transatlantic separation comfortably bearable. 

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder" is often recited to new lovers embarking on their first LDR, but living away from your partner can also make you grow as an individual too. Having time to yourself can make you evaluate your relationship and think about what you value in the person you are having a LDR with. 

Since I am currently in a LDR myself (we see each other once every two to three weeks) I thought I should impart some nifty little tips for those of you out there who are also in a similar, solitary situation.

♥ Utilize social media to communicate! I cannot stress this enough. Skype is a particular blessing for LDRs, since it gives you that special face-time, but Facebook, Twitter and mobile contact are all just as useful for maintaining a bond. You can also use multiplayer video gaming sessions to reinforce your bonds, unless either you or your significant other is an angry gamer..!

♥ Arrange a time when you can speak to each other. Of course this will take some planning if you live in different time zones or have a busy work schedule, but the task is not insurmountable! 

♥ Enjoy the time you DO have together! Maybe go on a romantic walk together or have a lovely dinner at a restaurant after a trip to the cinema. If you are strapped for cash, a simple night indoors watching a film will certainly suffice, as will doing a sporty activity together or even indulging each other in a massage session! Any of these activities can reaffirm your love for each other. Get creative!

♥ Trust is vital.  If you don't know your relationship well enough to continue believing in it, then your long distance relationship will definitely be a bust. Honest and open communication is required when you do get in contact. AND NEVER ACCUSE YOU PARTNER OF BEEN UNFAITHFUL. All this does is introduce suspicion and doubt, so keep any dark, jealous thoughts under control!  If you want to talk about insecurities you may have, do it calmly and thoughtfully. 

♥ Though you will want to speak with him/her constantly, you really need to give your partner space. Avoid the temptation to control where your partner is and what they are doing in order to speak to you. The funny thing is, you can completely smother a person even if you do live miles apart! Let them do their own thing, even if it means not talking for a day or two. 

Chatter + Natter | Meghan Trainor

Google images: Body positive!! Unless you're skinny, then go f*ck yourself.

First off, I'll start by saying that I'm not a fan of Meghan's songs personally so I may rant. Sorry in advance for any offence caused.  

All about that Bass promoted thicker girls, but then dissed skinny girls, for being well... skinny. Like, excuse me missus! Not all skinny girls enjoy being skinny! I for one find being skinny a pain in the bum to find clothes that fit me properly.

And what about the "stick figure silicone Barbie doll" line? 

Imagine if all of this was flipped. A song about how size zero is what you're supposed to be, calling bigger girls fat bitches. Why can't we all love our bodies without putting down other women or body types?

Skinny women can have problems just as much as larger women and their experiences are equally valid.

Maybe Meghan's intentions were different, but to me the Bass song just came off as "guys like curvy girls, so fuck you skinny bitches."

Meghan released a new song recently called Dear Future Husband. My god. The first time I heard it my jaw dropped open and it remained that way until the song was over. 
"You gotta know how to treat me like a lady, even when I'm acting crazy" - how detrimental to women it that? Remember, girls are CRAAAZZY EMOTIONAL folks! And don't even get me started on the line where she insinuates opening doors for her will get the guy a blowjob...

It seems to me that she's just reaffirming stereotypes about women being emotional, irrational, selfish, materialistic, high maintenance, etc etc.

Then again, it does seem to be okay for men to do this kinda thing in their songs, (Chris Brown anyone?) but when women talk about their perfect SO they're being picky and bitchy. It is definitely not in every song to grace the radio, but there are enough that it is quite alarming. 

So thinking about it, it could be the case that Meghan Trainor is writing these songs satirically. Maybe she has actually been writing back at similar pop songs written by male artists, that are full of their own requirements for a lady - the way she looks, dances and behaves.

But if Meghan is actually being "satirical," these messages are almost certainly lost within these bloody catchy songs, as young girls sing along mindlessly. Plus the idea of body acceptance seems to be a one way street. All the men depicted in the Dr Future Husband video are all chiseled and handsome. Not once do you see a fat, average-looking dude with a slight double chin.

Serious | Ageism

Old people have it tougher than most.

Not only are most of them quietly battling with their weakening immune systems and stiffening joints, but they are also facing the barrage of ageist messages that crop up almost constantly in the media. The Guardian makes a point of emphasizing the way in which older generations are cast aside by the fast-paced and inclusive city landscape, where only the youth are catered to.

But unlike the other more prominent "ism's" within our culture, ageism thrives. 
While sexism and racism are both being challenged and thwarted wherever possible, ageism tends to be overlooked as an issue.

Persistent stereotypes about old people include;

1. The idea that old people are all senile. Although Alzheimer's and Dementia do affect older people more than any other demographic, most old people continue to be self-sufficient well into advanced age, with many continuing to share their skills, knowledge and talents with those around them.
2. That they are a burden on society. Again, the idea that older people have nothing to contribute to society is false. Old people continue to discover things all the time and they can pick up new talents just like anybody else!
3. Older people enjoy sex. In fact, some studies claim that people's sex lives become more adventurous due to better self-esteem, matured views on body image and fortified intimate relationships. Older people who enjoy regular sex in their 60's and 70's may even live longer than their chaste counterparts, benefiting from a sense of well-being and may even fend off things like heart disease!

These pervasive attitudes towards the elderly have really negative affects. 
Age discrimination in employment is very real, and our culture on the whole is very youth-oriented, to the point when society excludes the middle-aged and the elderly. 
When focusing on job discrimination, people who are older are (stereotypically speaking) much less likely to be hired than younger people because they are seen as less adaptable, more set in their ways, harder to train and less energetic. But ageism also swings in the opposite direction, with the marginalization and political powerlessness of younger people being equally as problematic.

Think about the ways in which our society views older people. Maybe it's Silicone valley's obsession with youth,
or the way Disney villains are always depicted as older than the hero/heroine. 

Ageist attitudes are everywhere and it's up to us to challenge these negative stereotypes about age. 
Old people are no different than you are me and one day, we'll both be old ourselves! 

Poetry | (1st poem of the year!)

• Ode to Reddit

That obnoxious mix

of teenage male hormones and conservative hicks, 

that believe their wisdom's legit.

Reddit loves "good" folk;

That is, the strictly middle class white male

and the dick that he strokes.

What an upstanding bloke!

He has a right to evoke disgust

and to unduly provoke, 

A change to the 'quo.

Behold, the circle-jerk bastion,

the vulgar online plateau! 

Sexism | Men

Sexism affects us all. It's a fact. 
Our lives are shaped by the gender expectations society places upon us. 
We are "meant" for certain roles and if we don't fit, then we simply don't belong.
Women have definitely suffered under the tyranny of overt sexism, but the more implicit types of sexism can be just as potent, such as the well-meaning and valiant ideas surrounding Chivalric romance. 

The men in these tales of Chivalry are noble, active and heroic protectors. 
Yet the women are commonly depicted as "prizes to be won" by the knight, passively awaiting their savior to defend them from the dragon. 
This binary representation of men and women places people of both sexes into a role. Even the seemingly positive attributes placed on the male character can have adverse affects on real men.

So these apparently harmless, sentimental tales can also be as detrimental in the long run as denying women the vote, for they strengthen preexisting gender norms that have been created due to our socialization. 
This happens during our interactions with family, peers, teachers and exposure to mass media. This exposure to assumptions about gender and sex eventually makes people think that gender differences are "natural", rather than socially constructed.It's important to note here that sex relates to our primary and secondary sexual characteristics, whereas the term gender refers to the social and cultural differences between men and women. 
(This may be strange to learn if you have never heard of this distinction before!) 

The roles men are expected to fulfill are reinforced via mediums like action movies, that feature strong, muscular heroes that win the girl, become successful and remain stoic in the face of adversity. Many video games today also feature strong, masculine, tough-guy characters that handle their emotions tersely at best and show little if any personal development and growth. 

So the list of central masculine traits include:

• Aggression (passivity being feminine)
• Physical Strength (frailness, weakness and daintiness being feminine) 
• Dominance (subordination being feminine)

These stereotypical male traits place a great amount of pressure on men to be "the tough guy, the breadwinner, the seducer" among many other archetypes. These ideological male figures adhere to the predominant thoughts that surround what a man is supposed to be like; the opposite of a woman. 
To be considered feminine is "disgraceful", because it defies expected norms and the abnormal is usually shunned or feared in most societies. 
This hostility towards the feminine male could also be because-if a man adopts female traits-he is essentially downgrading himself to a woman's status, since women have historically endured more extreme sexist treatment. 
Whereas when a woman adopts some masculine traits, she's upgrading her status to that of the historically advantaged male. 

Defying these expectations can often be very difficult. 
Even today, the cry of "man up" can usually be heard when some poor guy bears his soul to all and states how he feels. 
"Men don't express emotions, they repress them" is the main message of this very common sound-bite. Saying things like "man up" also affect how women view themselves. They're now cast into the "emotional women" role. 

We need to defy these roles. 
People should embrace whatever traits they feel comfortable expressing, since gender expression is variable and every individual is different.